One year. As of this weekend, February 12th, Josh and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary of marriage. I can honestly say I am so blessed. For some couples their first year is the hardest. For us it has been a wonderful, whirlwind of activity. Even as we exit the "honeymoon" stage I can say that there are times that I am with my husband I have the ooey goeey, stars in your eyes, shoot you to the moon emotions. However, those passionate feelings are not always there. Then there are times we simply do life together. I love him, there is not a question about that, but it is not driven by feelings.
The same thing happens with my baby boy. Sometimes I look at my son and I have this overwhelming sense of love for him. He can do just about anything and I will ohh and ahh and my heart will hurt because I love him oh so much. Other times we go about our day together and I love him, don't get me wrong, but those heart-wrenching feelings are not there. We just simply enjoy life together.
The other day as I was leaning over my son's bed and he was sleeping I experienced the heart-wrenching love moments. But it hit me then that I do not always feel this way. And it also hit me, do these relationships with my son and husband relfect my relationship with God?
You see at church sometimes I sing songs of how much I love God and I feel like a liar and a hypocrite. You see, I do not always feel like I love God. There are times I am overwhelmed with His love, His majesty, His mercy, His power and there are times that I simply enjoy just being with Him and knowing He is with me. And after thinking about it in light of my other relationships I think that is OK.
The amazing thing is that though my human heart is only capable of so much emotion, God is always passionate about me. He is always passionate about you. Now that is some serious lovin'.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Blog Challenge Day 7: Random Grace-Filled Musings
It's true... motherhood has turned me into a sap. Where previously I could watch movies and hear stories and would not shed a tear, now I find myself crying or wanting to cry all the time, particularly when babies and children are involved.
Especially this past week. I was talking with a friend of mine who is going into child protective services. After her day at training I jokingly asked her, "What did you learn at school today?" Her answer: abuse. She then proceeded to tell me several horrific stories of babies and young children being abused. As I was holding my precious little one in my arms, I felt my stomach knotting up. I felt tears coming to my eyes. I also felt anger. I wanted to find out who the abusers were from these stories and give them a taste of their own medicine. Images of myself using violence against the abusers were flashing before my eyes. At one point I said out loud, "Hell is going to be extra hot for those people." Several of my siblings agreed.
Later on that afternoon I watched an interview of a lady who used to work for Planned Parenthood. After helping with an ultrasound-assisted abortion she became convinced that it was not simply a "fetus," but it was a baby, a real human being who was fighting for its life. My response? "Hell is going to be hotter for the abortion doctors."
But then I realized, "What if it is not? What if the abusers, the abortion doctors, rapists, human traffickers, etc. come to a knowledge of God's saving grace through Jesus Christ?"
That stopped me in my tracks. I wanted those people to burn. I wanted them to burn long and hot. But what should my response be?
After talking it over with my husband and sister and mulling it over for the better part of a week I have come to several conclusions based on all of this:
1. It is good to be angry. God is angry at injustice. He sees everything that goes on and His heart breaks every time a child is hurt. I cannot confuse God not always getting involved with God caring. He cares. He has a perfect Father's love. And with God's love in my heart I must care too.
2. God does avenge injustice and he already has. Because God is a just God He will repay wrongdoing. He cannot let the guilty go unpunished. However, Jesus took the guilt for those who believe. He paid the price for the abuser, murderer, etc. He took the punishment. I heard a good quote recently: "The cross is where God's judgment and mercy meet."
3. Just because the people that commit the atrocities mentioned (and others) may be forgiven, that does not mean that they will not struggle with that forgiveness. As I have learned personally, most often mental anguish is a lot harder than physical.
4. It is hard to comprehend just how far grace reaches. As humans, we are only willing to give grace as much as we have received it. Those though that have experienced the fullness of God's grace can comprehend and are more likely to forgive others. That is why Scripture says, "He who has been forgiven of much loves much." Thank goodness that God's grace is not limited by human judgment or emotion.
5. I am not that far away from those that I am so angry at. How often do you and I do things that we swore that we would never do? As a totally depraved sinner, I am capable of all those things that I detest and more. Although I may not commit every sin, I am able to.
So that's it. No deep conclusion to bring these thoughts together. But I am glad I am thinking about grace and not just blindly accepting it. Then I can sing all the more "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me."
Especially this past week. I was talking with a friend of mine who is going into child protective services. After her day at training I jokingly asked her, "What did you learn at school today?" Her answer: abuse. She then proceeded to tell me several horrific stories of babies and young children being abused. As I was holding my precious little one in my arms, I felt my stomach knotting up. I felt tears coming to my eyes. I also felt anger. I wanted to find out who the abusers were from these stories and give them a taste of their own medicine. Images of myself using violence against the abusers were flashing before my eyes. At one point I said out loud, "Hell is going to be extra hot for those people." Several of my siblings agreed.
Later on that afternoon I watched an interview of a lady who used to work for Planned Parenthood. After helping with an ultrasound-assisted abortion she became convinced that it was not simply a "fetus," but it was a baby, a real human being who was fighting for its life. My response? "Hell is going to be hotter for the abortion doctors."
But then I realized, "What if it is not? What if the abusers, the abortion doctors, rapists, human traffickers, etc. come to a knowledge of God's saving grace through Jesus Christ?"
That stopped me in my tracks. I wanted those people to burn. I wanted them to burn long and hot. But what should my response be?
After talking it over with my husband and sister and mulling it over for the better part of a week I have come to several conclusions based on all of this:
1. It is good to be angry. God is angry at injustice. He sees everything that goes on and His heart breaks every time a child is hurt. I cannot confuse God not always getting involved with God caring. He cares. He has a perfect Father's love. And with God's love in my heart I must care too.
2. God does avenge injustice and he already has. Because God is a just God He will repay wrongdoing. He cannot let the guilty go unpunished. However, Jesus took the guilt for those who believe. He paid the price for the abuser, murderer, etc. He took the punishment. I heard a good quote recently: "The cross is where God's judgment and mercy meet."
3. Just because the people that commit the atrocities mentioned (and others) may be forgiven, that does not mean that they will not struggle with that forgiveness. As I have learned personally, most often mental anguish is a lot harder than physical.
4. It is hard to comprehend just how far grace reaches. As humans, we are only willing to give grace as much as we have received it. Those though that have experienced the fullness of God's grace can comprehend and are more likely to forgive others. That is why Scripture says, "He who has been forgiven of much loves much." Thank goodness that God's grace is not limited by human judgment or emotion.
5. I am not that far away from those that I am so angry at. How often do you and I do things that we swore that we would never do? As a totally depraved sinner, I am capable of all those things that I detest and more. Although I may not commit every sin, I am able to.
So that's it. No deep conclusion to bring these thoughts together. But I am glad I am thinking about grace and not just blindly accepting it. Then I can sing all the more "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me."
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