Musings of a Wanna-Be Leader

Leadership.  It seems that for years leadership has been a very talked-about and taught subject, especially in churches.  There are leadership conferences, books on leadership, CDs on leadership, leadership DVDS, leadership quotes, and even leadership underwear (OK maybe I made that last part up). 

It seems like everywhere Christians are striving to become leaders. 

A couple of weeks ago, after reading a friend's leadership quote on his facebook page, I got angry, really angry.  It hit me: seeking to be a leader is the exact opposite of what Christ has called us to seek after. 

Scripture verses relating to this (in no particular order):

• Mark 10:44-44   Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 

• Luke 14:7-11  When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable:  “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited.  If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place.  But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”  
• Luke 18: 16   But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."  (How high on the totem pole were children in terms of societal views?  One of the lowest)
• Philippians 2:3-8   Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!

Those are just a few verses out of many.  

The truth is, I am not anti-leadership.  I LOVE leadership.  I love being in charge.  Anyone that knows me at all knows that.  I want things my way and for people to listen to me, after all I know what is best.  I LOVE to speak and for people to listen and to "oooh and ahhh" and marvel how they were inspired.


However, God has called me to something more.  He has called me to be meek.  He has called me to not tout my name and my position.   He has called me to be like the person of Christ: humble and a servant.


This is not easy.  I would prefer to have things my way.  To be the leader, to call the shots.  However, I must be content whatever the circumstances.  To love God and love others, whether or not it is noticed by the general public.  And I as much as I want to, I should not be humble so that in the end I will be exalted.  That is as bad as giving in order to get (but that is another post for another day).  

The beautiful thing is that God takes the no-ones and turns them into some-ones, who do have the opportunity to influence life and eternity for the better.  

It's just, where are your motives?




Here's to being a no-one.

Love Musings

One year.  As of this weekend, February 12th, Josh and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary of marriage.  I can honestly say I am so blessed.  For some couples their first year is the hardest.  For us it has been a wonderful, whirlwind of activity.  Even as we exit the "honeymoon" stage I can say that there are times that I am with my husband I have the ooey goeey, stars in your eyes, shoot you to the moon emotions.  However, those passionate feelings are not always there.  Then there are times we simply do life together.  I love him, there is not a question about that, but it is not driven by feelings. 

The same thing happens with my baby boy. Sometimes I look at my son and I have this overwhelming sense of love for him.  He can do just about anything and I will ohh and ahh and my heart will hurt because I love him oh so much.  Other times we go about our day together and I love him, don't get me wrong, but those heart-wrenching feelings are not there.  We just simply enjoy life together.

The other day as I was leaning over my son's bed and he was sleeping I experienced the heart-wrenching love moments.  But it hit me then that I do not always feel this way.  And it also hit me, do these relationships with my son and husband relfect my relationship with God?

You see at church sometimes I sing songs of how much I love God and I feel like a liar and a hypocrite.  You see, I do not always feel like I love God.  There are times I am overwhelmed with His love, His majesty, His mercy, His power and there are times that I simply enjoy just being with Him and knowing He is with me.  And after thinking about it in light of my other relationships I think that is OK. 

The amazing thing is that though my human heart is only capable of so much emotion, God is always passionate about me.  He is always passionate about you.  Now that is some serious lovin'.

Blog Challenge Day 7: Random Grace-Filled Musings

It's true... motherhood has turned me into a sap.  Where previously I could watch movies and hear stories and would not shed a tear, now I find myself crying or wanting to cry all the time, particularly when babies and children are involved. 

Especially this past week.  I was talking with a friend of mine who is going into child protective services.  After her day at training I jokingly asked her, "What did you learn at school today?"  Her answer: abuse.  She then proceeded to tell me several horrific stories of babies and young children being abused.  As I was holding my precious little one in my arms, I felt my stomach knotting up.  I felt tears coming to my eyes.  I also felt anger.  I wanted to find out who the abusers were from these stories and give them a taste of their own medicine.  Images of myself using violence against the abusers were flashing before my eyes.  At one point I said out loud, "Hell is going to be extra hot for those people."  Several of my siblings agreed.

Later on that afternoon I watched an interview of a lady who used to work for Planned Parenthood.  After helping with an ultrasound-assisted abortion she became convinced that it was not simply a "fetus," but it was a baby, a real human being who was fighting for its life.  My response? "Hell is going to be hotter for the abortion doctors."

But then I realized, "What if it is not?  What if the abusers, the abortion doctors, rapists, human traffickers, etc. come to a knowledge of God's saving grace through Jesus Christ?"

That stopped me in my tracks.  I wanted those people to burn.  I wanted them to burn long and hot.  But what should my response be?

After talking it over with my husband and sister and mulling it over for the better part of a week I have come to several conclusions based on all of this:
1.  It is good to be angry.  God is angry at injustice.  He sees everything that goes on and His heart breaks every time a child is hurt.  I cannot confuse God not always getting involved with God caring.  He cares.  He has a perfect Father's love.  And with God's love in my heart I must care too. 

2.  God does avenge injustice and he already has.  Because God is a just God He will repay wrongdoing.  He cannot let the guilty go unpunished.  However, Jesus took the guilt for those who believe.  He paid the price for the abuser, murderer, etc.  He took the punishment.  I heard a good quote recently: "The cross is where God's judgment and mercy meet."

3.  Just because the people that commit the atrocities mentioned (and others) may be forgiven, that does not mean that they will not struggle with that forgiveness.  As I have learned personally, most often mental anguish is a lot harder than physical. 

4.  It is hard to comprehend just how far grace reaches.  As humans, we are only willing to give grace as much as we have received it.  Those though that have experienced the fullness of God's grace can comprehend and are more likely to forgive others.  That is why Scripture says, "He who has been forgiven of much loves much."  Thank goodness that God's grace is not limited by human judgment or emotion.  

5.  I am not that far away from those that I am so angry at.  How often do you and I do things that we swore that we would never do?  As a totally depraved sinner, I am capable of all those things that I detest and more. Although I may not commit every sin, I am able to. 

So that's it.  No deep conclusion to bring these thoughts together. But I am glad I am thinking about grace and not just blindly accepting it.  Then I can sing all the more "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me."

Blog Challenge Day 6: Happiness

Today's assignment: A picture of something that makes you happy
This makes me happy

There are many other things that make me happy (including but not limited to): time spent with Jesus, reminiscing with old friends, tea(hot or cold), chocolate chip cookies, the Office, watching my little boy learn, playing games with my hubby, joking around with my family, talking on the phone with my mother-in-law, cooking, having a clean bathroom, having freshly shaved legs, clean sheets on the bed, when my (current) favorite song comes on the radio, taking pictures, looking at pictures, going out to eat, anything chocolate, hearing missionaries speak, learning something new, shopping at Publix, saving on our grocery bill, and most recently: blogging.

What are some of your favorite things?

Blog Challenge Day 5: My Siblings

My goal today was not to make this blog too long as I am tired but still want to continue writing.  However, the topic is my siblings and since I have 5 of them, we'll see how this goes.

Favorite Memories With My Siblings:

• Lindsay taking Snickers, my dog,  around the living room when we were moving.  She realized we were all sad to be moving from the house and announced, "come on Snickers, let's make a memory."  She then had snickers prance around the room like she was a prize show horse.  Snickers took on the challenge despite her homely looks.
• Michael wearing his short green shorts at inappropriate times and feeling the need to bust out in dance moves
• Rachael getting picked on by a guy in the youth group.  Her response: "You, you dumbo!!!"
• Amy going through a profanity phase as a toddler
• Christy and Amy singing Kareoke
• Cutthroat DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) competitions
• Silly dinner time conversations
• Throwing wrapping paper at Dad on Christmas instead of throwing it to him
• Secrets.  Not the fun kind.  The kind where a sibling gets really close to you in your ear and breathily says "I've got a ssseecret," while letting spit fly freely
• Hiding food in the fridge with notes like "Do not eat upon penalty of death" just in case someone found it.  
• Getting surprised with a dog not once, but twice in our lives
• Dressing up Michael as a girl when he was 2ish, and then seeing him dance around the living room while Dad yells for him to take it off
• Amy being the best baby whisperer ever
• Going to the story with Christy as a baby and pretending to be her Mom
• The death of Blueberry, our "precious" blue parakeet.  Afterward, Michael requested blueberry pie, blueberry muffins, and blueberries in general. Amy was less than pleased
• Michael stating on a car trip "I love horses.  They taste delicious."  Again, Amy was less than pleased
• On a different road trip coming up with titles for inappropriate childrens' books.  Among the many were "Comet Cleanser tastes like Kool-Aid"
• Rachael effortlessly doing her dance moves from dance class around the living room while I asked her repeatedly, "do it again, except slower this time."  
• Lindsay reading Leviticus 22:24 to the whole youth group when our youth pastor asked her to share a scripture verse.  Go ahead, look it up.

All in all, as I am thinking of these memories a big smile comes across my face.  However, at the time time it is bittersweet.  The sad truth is that we are all growing up.  The family dynamic is changing.  I'm married.  Lindsay is married.  Rachael moved over an hour away.  Michael is a senior and most likely will be going out of state to school next year.  Amy is a teenager now and growing up into a young lady.  Christy is 9 going on 25.  We have changed.  Life is moving on and we are creating memories of our own.


I have been blessed with many good memories, more than I could count.  Most of my memories include my siblings.  My Mom was right all these years: "Friends come and go, but family is forever."

Blog Challenge Day 4: My parents

Today my blogging assignment is pretty broad: my parents.  I knew this would be my assignment so last night when I was up feeding Jackson what was I thinking about at the grand ol' hour of 4 AM?  You guessed it....my parents.  At that time I had a great idea of just how I would write about them. It would be inspiring and moving and sentimental.  Then I woke up this morning and realized my grand idea would be way too mushy and weird.  So here goes.  Today's totally awake perspective:

Lessons I have learned from my parents:

On relationships--

• Put God first and foremost in your relationships (If I woke up early enough, I was always sure to see my parents doing their devotions together in the living room).  
• Friends come and go, but family is forever
• You are never told old to say "I'm sorry."
• "Shut up" is mean
• When looking for a spouse, it is important to find someone that you can communicate well with.  My parents to this day love "date nights" because they can just talk and talk without interuption.
• A child will be confident if he or she knows that their parents love each other
• No matter what, humans are not immune from sin.  Forgiveness is part of being a family.

On food:

• Self-control means two cookies, three cookies max
• Good food is worth waiting for
• Vegetables are necessary for every dinner
• If I think I don't like something, I should at least try a bite 
• Brussels sprouts are gross
• You can never have too much garlic

On driving a car:

• Set the cruise control to avoid speeding tickets

On a hard work ethic:

• "If we all work together as a team, we can get _________ done in just ten minutes."  (This was said for everything, from weeding the yard to cleaning the kitchen)
• Work really hard in high school to get the scholarships for college, then you can relax.

On education:

• You are never too old to learn (my Dad now texts using predictive texting--I'm so proud).
• Try your best.  That is all anyone can do.

On raising kids:

• Each kid is different, what works for one child may not work for another.
• Parents are to be respected and obeyed.  Kids do not always need an explanation beyond "because I said so."
• "I love you and am proud of you" can make your children want to conquer the world.
• Sock basketball, bucking bronko, and hide and go seek are what memories are made of.
• Discipline is important.  "I'm disappointed in you" can work just as well as a spanking.  However, spankings can be highly effective.
• Respect goes both ways between parent and child. 
• Time goes by too quickly.  You turn around and before you know it, your babies are grown up, married, and having babies of their own.  Cherish the time you have together.

These are just some of the many lessons taught by my parents.  I am blessed that they have poured so much into my life.  I'm thankful that I have them as a model as I am raising my own child(ren).

Aren't they good looking?  Besides a great heritage I'm also thankful for great genetics.

Blog Challenge: Day 3ish

I am skipping over day 2's blog challenge of the meaning behind my blog name because I have answered it in previous posts.

I am also skipping it because I can.

So onto Day 3: My First Love

As an aspiring writer and a connoisseur of great literature I immediately thought "what is my angle on this?"  However, the more I got to thinking of how creative my answer would be I came to two different, yet true conclusions. 

My first love I have known all my life.  This person is always right, always charming and just amazing in general.  You see, the person I have loved most deeply, most often is myself.  From the beginning I have been concerned about my desires, my needs, my thoughts.  It is taking motherhood for me to realize just how much I love myself.  I will always look out for me.  I think it is OK to love yourself, after all the second greatest commandment is, "love your neighbor as yourself."  However, I am not only called to consider others on level with my ability, greatness, talent, etc. (gag, I know), but according to Romans 12:10, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." So that means that I need at times to give up my agenda for another person's.  It's hard, but God is teaching me.

The second love I have had is my wonderful husband Josh.  At the expense of getting too mushy I can honestly say he is the love of my life and God's gift to me.  In the past, I thought I was in love with various crushes, but after experiencing the real thing I can honestly say past crushes were not even a glimpse of what God had in store. 

Beyond the mushy, gushy, stars in your eyes love, Josh and I have made a commitment to each other.  We wholeheartedly agree and live by the statement that "love is a choice."  Even when we don't feel like it (which I am sure there will be days), I will choose to lay down my first love (myself), to love my husband first. 

We're coming upon our first wedding anniversary.  Looking forward to our 75th.  And everything in between....

Blog Challenge: Day 1

If you read my last post you know that I am taking up a 30 day Blog Challenge.  You see, when I was forced to write for school I actually enjoyed it (most of the time).  I had to write often so I became quite good at it (most of the time).  My hope and prayer is that by blogging I can sharpen those writing skills that I am sure have become quite rusty.  

Today's Assignment: 15 Random Facts

1.  I LOVE my family.  I have been blessed beyond measure and what I deserve with a family that is supportive, fun, and interesting to say the least.  This past year I have started my own family with marrying my (hot) husband Josh.  In August I gave birth to an adorable baby boy.  I will try not to gush over them too much in this blog.  No guarantees.  My birth family includes two amazing parents, 4 younger sisters and a younger brother.  I am proud of my siblings and who they are turning into.  We are a testimony of my parents' hard work and prayer.  I also have been blessed beyond measure with the family I married into.  The "in law" jokes do not apply.  They have taken me in as a daughter and for that I am so grateful.  Then I add in grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and I am overwhelmed with love.  Ok, I am getting too sappy here.  Time to move on to:

2.  Sometimes I write or say too much when asked a simple question (see #1 above).  I guess I just appreciate the art of storytelling.  Last night my sister Lindsay had a good quote: "Men give the headlines, women tell the story."

3.  I have developed quite the affection for cooking recently.  I come from a long line of talented cooks.  I hope I have inherited some of their ability.  In the meantime I am enjoying trying new recipes and learning.

4.  My husband is a self-proclaimed nerd.  As such he has introduced me to sci-fi shows like Battlestar Galactica and Firefly.... and I like them.  What does that make me?

5.  I have recently been reading the book of Psalms in the Bible.  It is refreshing to see a man of God deal with the emotions that I face: anger, fear, love, loathing.  He was still a man after God's heart.

6.  One of the best things about being a Mom is seeing my little boy's face when I walk into the room.  It's like his whole face lights up. 

7.  This past year I have been blessed to take an extended maternity leave from teaching.  Previously I taught 6th grade Language Arts.  Not sure if I am looking forward to that or dreading it.  Being a stay-at-home Mom is sometimes hard for me.  Sometimes it is awesome.  Same for teaching.

8.  I HATE to run.  I am bad at it so I don't do it.  I don't do it so I am worse.  It's a terrible cycle that I need to break.  Maybe tomorrow.

9.  Favorite chore: cleaning the bathroom (love the result of bleach).  Least favorite chore: sweeping and mopping the floor.  It just always seems so daunting to me. 

10.  Extreme couponing is my game/hobby.  It has been a blessing this past year to cut our grocery bill basically in half and still be able to eat quite well.  I promise to blog about how exactly it works in the future.

11.  Chocolate is an addiction of mine.  More recent addiction: hot tea in the morning.  Red Rose Tea is currently the brand.

12.  I love to laugh.  I love to hear my husband laugh.  And my little boy.  Before I was married, when I was out in the dating world, my #2 requirement for a man (besides the #1 of loving God) was that he made me laugh.  I found a man who does.  Plus, he makes me think.  So double bonus.

13.  My dream job is to travel the world, interview missionaries and the people they serve with, and write about them.  

14.  I would like to become more crafty.  Not in the scheming way, but in the Martha Stewart way.

15.  I love to read. I am always up for new book recommendations, so if you have any please share.

Here's my sweet family:

30 Day Blog Challenge

This past week I was catching up on my facebook reading and stumbled upon a link to a fellow Mom's blog.  In it, she was taking up the 30 Day Blog challenge from thebump.com (a baby website linked with theknot.com).  I have been wanting to Blog more often but do not always know what to write about.  So I decided to "borrow" (read: steal) the idea.  I figure it will keep me more motivated to follow a set schedule of writing and then maybe I will be more in the habit.  So over the next 30ish days you can expect to see:

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

Some will be combined, some will be omitted and some will be added.  Feel free to "borrow" this yourself.  Send me the link and we can read, write, and enjoy together :)

Musings of a Thankful Heart

Let's be honest:

2009 sucked.  For me, personally.

Between family emergencies, sicknesses, personal failures, almost deaths, and many other hard, hard situations, a year ago I was ready for a new beginning, a fresh start.

Thank goodness for a new year just in time.

This past year, especially at Thanksgiving I was thinking over the faithfulness of God.  The year 2010 was one of new beginnings, new perspectives, and new life.  Among other things this year I was able to experience:
*Being married to my wonderful husband.
*Going on a honeymoon (a little piece of heaven)
*Traveling across the US (Wisconsin, Washington DC, North Carolina, and various other places)
*The birth of my beautiful, sweet son Jackson
*My sister Lindsay's wedding
*My sister Rachael graduating from nursing school
*Reconnecting with old family, connecting with new
*And other blessings to numerous to count

Don't get me wrong.  This year has not been a total cakewalk.  I think any mother that has walked the floors with her crying infant, trying not to cry along with him can testify to that.  However, I have seen God's grace in the midst of this year.  It could have turned out so differently.

The past two years I have not only learned about mercy and grace, I've lived them.

One of my favorite definitions of mercy and grace is: God's mercy is not getting you what you deserve.  Grace is God giving you more than you deserve.

I feel like 2009 I experienced God's mercy.  2010 was a year of experiencing God's grace.

As you reflect on this past year and look toward the next I want you to be encouraged by the reality of God's grace and mercy.  This past year may have been a great one for you financially, relationally, emotionally, etc.  It may have been a year that you wish you could forget.  However, the truth is that God's mercies are not only new on a yearly basis, they are new every morning.

So it's easy to take stock of a year and look forward to next year, but remember life happens one day at a time.


Lamentations 3:22-23
 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.