So I have a confession to make: I am a facebook creeper. Oh don't kid yourself, you know you are too. I meet someone, we have mutual friends, they pop up on my feed and I check out their photos. Nothing too in depth, I don't go back to 2013, I'm not that creepy, but I am curious about people. And what is so common in the land of social media--I make judgments.
So it had recently come to my social media attention that a woman I don't really even know but have been introduced to before is pregnant. Congrats! Me too! I find out via a picture of her wearing a super cute maternity outfit. I find myself jealous: I need a super cute maternity outfit like that. Also, why is she so glamorous with her smile and her makeup? Oh, it's because it's her first kid. I start thinking to myself, "Well girlie, let me tell you, when you are several kids in and elbow-deep in toys and sippy cups and bodily functions, the cute hair and makeup will be part of your past. Unless it's not... then maybe you should reconsider your priorities."
Ok, so maybe I am more than a facebook creeper. I am a judgmental creeper one as well.
Fast forward a week or two and I see the same girl at a holiday party. The same holiday party that I quickly got dressed for, including doing some lunges to fit into the pre-maternity pants one more time. I throw on some makeup and curl my hair, which quickly uncurls in the Florida humidity. On the glamour scale-o-meter I was probably ranking a five or a six, maybe a seven so I was feeling OK about myself. Then I see her, the girl I don't even barely know. She shows up in a maternity gown. A freaking gown I tell you. And she is glamorous and beautiful and the ugly green monster rears its ugly head:
"Dear God," I pray, "can this woman please inherit a baby that has colic? Yes she is glamorous and beautiful now, but at 3 am when the baby is crying and she is pacing the floor, life won't be so glamorous will it?"
And immediately I feel it. Why oh why do I judge someone's outsides and base all of my insides on it? This beautiful, pregnant woman had no idea of the vindictive thoughts that went on inside my head. The truth is, I look at people in a brief snapshot and I immediately assume their lives are perfect. I don't know if:
- This girl and her mother are estranged during the Holiday season
- The woman that I think "has it all together" just found out her father has been diagnosed with cancer.
- The man with the successful career deals with depression
- The woman who lives a carefree life with the magazine-picture home cries herself to sleep at night because she can't conceive
- The college student who travels around the world is fighting the heartache of love lost
And in between all of it, there are times of beauty and peace. Maybe this woman that I noticed, maybe her life is going really well right now. That is great too.
I am nowhere near arriving, but I am thankful for the reminder that everyone, everyone has their struggles. It may not be at the same time, or in the same way, but we all do. And maybe, maybe instead of judging and assuming and wishing them to feel the struggle like I do, maybe I can "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those that mourn."
Praying about that. In between Facebook posts, of course.
Who knows? Maybe I can end up really befriending those people I start by judging. And maybe we can go maternity shopping together.
