I have a confession. I am a woman, a (relatively) young woman.
And I dislike shopping.
I think.
You see, back when I was single, and skinny, and had much more of a disposable income, shopping was thing the thing to do when meeting with friends, or needing entertainment on a Saturday, or really just whenever the mood struck.
Don't get me wrong, I was always the type to bargain hunt:
"Shirts on sale for $7? Wonderful, I'll buy 10."
However, somehow along the way going shopping has lost a good portion of its luster.
Lately, the extra spending money hasn't been always readily available (though there has been blessing from family during birthdays and holidays), and the clothes don't always fit like they used to (thanks to Jackson, my love for chocolate, and my lack of ability to stick to a good eating plan for more than two days).
More than that, I don't necessarily like who I turn into when I go into a clothing store.
I feel inadaquate-- none of the clothes on the rack look like clothes that I own. I must have no sense of style. I must also get a new wardrobe.
I feel guilty--couldn't this money be used somewhere...useful?
I feel fat-- shouldn't stores have mirrors that they use at the carinival to make people look really skinny? I think business would be way up for them.
I feel like such a consumer. Isn't life about more than just acquiring more and more stuff? Yet that is exactly what I find myself longing to do and doing.
Lately I have had the opportunity to do some extra shopping with time that my mother-in-law has so graciously offered and money that my husband has graciously not budgeted away.
I have also been reading Jen Hatmaker's blog. One of the many things she writes about is excess that Americans experience. I find myself in many ways the typical American with typical American dreams of a cozy, cushioned, well-taken care of life. I know that it is "the norm," what I am wondering is the consumer mindset healthy? Does it lead me to "be content no matter the situation?"
I have also been reading up a little bit more on slave labor around the world. Many of our everyday products come from modern-day slaves, a large portion of those slaves are children. I am just delving into the research of this, a couple of websites being:
this and this and oh, this
This challenges me to a whole new level: not only do I need to check my heart about when I buy and why I buy, I should be actively looking at what I actually buy.
The truth is this: I want to be perceived as "the person who has it together." Ideally this would be reality, but I would be happy with the ill-contrived perception of it. Most of the time this would include a picture of me driving my beautiful SUV, with my coordinated, up to date clothing while drinking a latte.
I have recently come to the conclusion that the whole "put together" image may never be a reality.
I'm starting to become OK with that.
